Today marks a month of our living without Steve.
We are spending it near each other, with a large portion of the family gathered at Gammy and Bebob's in Gulf Shores.
As I gathered my materials to begin writing thank you notes I looked through our wedding address book and came across the letter we gave our friends and family on our wedding day - just over 7 months ago.
Although there continue to be moments of piercing sadness and days of moving more slowly than ever, I am also seeing ways that Steve prepared a life for me and our children to walk in - a way that feels fearless and full of calm strength and even joy.
Here is the letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
The wedding day is drawing close.
With the help of many writer friends, we are learning a new rhythm. Wendell Berry has taught us that a “sabbath mood” can rest over our work. He also gave us desire to live closer to the dirt, and to our friends. Rainer Rilke and other poets have taught us to “experience everything”…to go through joys and sorrows, not around them. James Houston said that there is not to be a hint of rivalry. Ancient Desert Fathers and some modern, priestly “mothers” have taught us to be open to the other, to cultivate hospitality. Julia Cameron says to write and dream the life you want.
It is our dream to build a home where these ideas become tangible, and where they become a real place for our children to come home. This grand experiment is already taking shape at 1106 28th Place.
We will be married in the Chapel of the Holy Family at All Saints Episcopal. We know, and all our seven children know, what it is like for a family to break. When we first met with Glenda, our Priest, we were in this chapel. She told us that she had entered there many times alone, praying that her broken family would be swallowed up into this Holy Family. This tiny chapel seems like a fitting room to officially begin our life together as a family.
A mentor of ours says that it is hearthside that family is preserved. We would like our whole wedding weekend to reflect the rhythms we are discovering, and we are inviting all of you to come and spend some time by the fire, and join in various smaller celebrations. There will be plenty of sustaining food and drink.
Friday afternoon we will be readying the house for the weekend. On Friday evening, we will probably have cocktails at the house, then all meet for dinner at a local restaurant. On Saturday, Melanie and her teacher friends will go for a late brunch together. We’ll have afternoon tea and a brief vespers service, then Steve and the boys may go for a beer or two that night.
Beginning Sunday Morning, we will go to church as usual. After church (and some cheese and crackers), we will proceed to the chapel for our nuptials. This is a tiny room, and only the wedding party will fit. But others could sit in the Nave. The afternoon will be for resting before the big party.
Beginning at 5:30, we will celebrate with our musician friends, with a potluck dinner, and plenty of libation.
Thank you for being a part of our wedding. Just having you there is enough for us.