I have several authors in my past who have written what I would call "Time and Place" books. Their words have come to say something vital to me in a particular time, when I was in a particular place. Had I read them earlier or later, it might not have been so meaningful. But in a particular moment, something in the experience of the author speaks to something in me ("deep calls to deep", I believe we call it).
Melanie had come upon Glenstal Abbey in Ireland, and was reading Mark Patrick Hederman, among others. Another writer surfaced, who was a friend of the abbey. His name was John O'Donohue, an ex-catholic priest (which I resonate with), theologian and poet. He died not long ago at the age of 52. Now we've read quite a bit of his collection, but the book that sang to me was "Eternal Echoes".
This is one of my notations from a section in that book:
I was stringing together a few thoughts from J O'D this morning about being open to others.
First, he quoted this, that "you never step into the same river twice." In a moment, both you and the river are different.
Second, he spoke of the power of naming something. "The name is the doorway to reverence. We need to exercise great care and respect when we come to name something. We always need to find a name that is worthy and spacious. When we name things in a small way, we cripple them. A name should never trap a thing." "Oh, he does this...she does that." This is setting limits.
Third, "expectation is resentment waiting to happen."
I was thinking about how I love to name things because it gives me a certain sense that I understand that thing or person. It gives a sense of control. As soon as I have named or labeled them, I have closed them off. Like before, I have created a fiction. The fiction protects me, or it enhances my own view of myself by reducing the other.
Being open, I suppose, is knowing that each person, even one I am closest to, is a mystery. I never step into the same river twice. They have changed and so have I. I have trapped them when I name, label, categorize. These labels create expectation, and when the person breaks free of my expectations, I am resentful.
The sad thing is that when I close myself to another, they will in turn remain closed to me. And I have robbed myself.