sin II

So...

Guilt and shame keep us from knowing ourselves.  They make us defend ourselves from ourselves.  When we are freed from it, (and my God!, hasn't Jesus done enough to take care of that!) then we can take a journey into our own souls and explore why we do what we do.  This is what I think the counselor meant when he said to consider my impact.

Here are some thoughts or examples which may or may not be helpful:

I say something sarcastic at a party.  At first glance it is funny and may not be a big deal. People chuckle.  But then I notice that someone's face tightens, or their smile is forced.  Now there is a choice.  I can say to myself, "What's their problem?  I was just kidding!"  Or, I can try and understand my impact.  How did I hurt them?  Why did they take that to heart?  Maybe I could even ask them to tell me about it.  This small awareness of another may help me next time- may give me good cause to check my propensity for making fun at another's expense.  This begins to heal me, and maybe even strengthens my relationship with the person I hurt.

I bag my trash like a good citizen.  I carry it to the street twice a week, right before the trash man comes.  I don't want to offend my neighbors by having trash at the curb all week.  I like our neighborhood and the house to be litter free.  But sometimes I stop for a second, as I pile three contractor sized bags full of waste on the curb, and I wonder where it all goes.  Usually it is "out of sight, out of mind".  But surely it goes somewhere, right?  What impact am I having on our dear planet when I add my 100 or so pounds of trash a week to that of the rest of my city?  Are there ways I can reduce my impact?

People get DUI's (and will soon get DWT's- 'driving while texting').  I like drinking.  I know some people who really should have a few.  Sometimes walking a crooked line home after a feast or hard day is like therapy and is, all in all, harmless.  But driving home?  The problem isn't that a person gets buzzed.  It's that they drive their car into someone else's.  There is nothing wrong with texting.  Until you hit somebody.  Impact.

"People have sex."  My friend Brian said that.  It's true.  People have sex, and they have been having it for a long time.  Even in eras where people frowned upon sex, they were still having sex.  They were having it a lot.  We keep hearing that the people who tell us not to have sex are having a lot of sex.  I'm pretty sure that heaven will not be populated by virgins. If you get through life as a virgin, well, God bless you and I'm sorry.  (See, that was sarcastic.)

It might be time to stop making people feel guilty for having sex.  (I think guilt over sex only creates a shame cycle that transforms into odd sexual behavior or repression.)  It's the most human and sacred of enterprises, and it might be time for christians to stop raiding bedrooms and start protecting them.

That doesn't mean we can't think about the impact of sex.  I'm not saying that two people couldn't meet, hook up, say "thank you", and both go their merry way.  It's just that sex is so intimate.  "What am I giving this person?  What am I taking?  What am I promising?"   What will the impact on the other be?  What will the impact on me be?  This isn't about guilt.  It's about kindness, openness, generosity.

We're all judgmental.  Let's say I look at a gay couple and obsess over what they are doing.  Or I stereotype a republican.  My judgement may be keeping me from seeing that they are really better people than I am in some ways.  They may be better neighbors...more generous, kinder.  What is the impact of judgement?  I get to stand off to the side, feel smug, and stay my sour, stingy self.  The worst impact of being judgmental is that I rob myself of what could be beautiful friendships.  If I begin to see it in myself, I might start being more open.  I might learn something.

Impact.  We can ask these sorts of questions about war, greed, laziness, anger, violence....  And feeling our impact may help tame our propensity in any one direction.  We might change.

So were back to some pretty simple "Golden Rule" living.  Or as Wendell Berry puts it, "Do unto those down stream, what you would have those upstream do unto you."  This really is love's work, and the way things ought to be.  And it might just heal me.