and his family are moving to Washington State. He called to tell me a few weeks ago and I burst into strong tears and told him this could not be of God. It had not even entered my head that people who walked so closely to Steve and me for our whole courtship, marriage, Steve's sickness and his death could leave.
So, even though Eric will not be dead to us in any respect, his presence will be absent in the same bodily way at our eucharist and around my own table.
Today he served us the Lord's supper for the last time as our priest.
Steve died five months ago today.
At some points in my life of faith i have believed that 'God orders our steps.' That 'even the hairs of our head are numbered.' and that all the moments of our life, especially the surprising serendipitous ones contain something unique of the Trinity within.
Steve loved it that i saw that kind of fresh expression of God in the ordinary and in chronos time. Somehow it seemed like eternity would touch down at a pinpoint of my experience, a veil would be held back like a curtain, the 'more' would seep into the moment.
But for now I am left echoing the words of Jesus' women friends - They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.”
Eric's presence has been an affirmation that Steve and the life we shared contained meaning. Losing him is deep loss.